Okay. So maybe not. I’m not wishing a boatload of problems on you. But often, when I see a couple that fusses a lot with one another, when there is no visible tenderness or connectedness, when they talk to each other like housemates not lovers, well, I wonder. It is as though they have nothing real to be upset about and so they invent things.
In my experience these couples are usually the ones with the nice house in the good neighborhood. They have good jobs. They drive nice vehicles. They can pay their bills when they are due. They go on vacations. They and their children are mostly healthy. And yet…where is the love, the tenderness, the “we’re in this thing together” vibe?
Then, I know couples that have had one trial after another for many years. Health issues, suffering finances, what- can-go -wrong-will-go-wrong kinda stuff. And, mostly, they love each other in a way that is visible to others.
Of course there are exceptions to the rules on both sides of the fence here. I am just stating what I see most often. What is the reason for the difference in how these couples deal with each other and life? Sin obviously plays a big part in this. We are by nature, selfish to the core.But I think it is also something else. The couples that seem like they don’t have enough problems and so they invent them, are missing something. Something big.
What is really needed is – Perspective! When we put things into their proper perspective, we will see them differently. As we stood before the altar saying our vows to our husbands, did it even enter our minds that we’d fuss and argue over trash and toothpaste? Probably not. And it’s not that I am saying it isn’t “normal” to fuss over silly things. What I am saying, to you and to me, is that it isn’t necessary. These little things are just little things. That’s it. Why waste time on little things that won’t matter in eternity- or even next week?
Cue Frozen soundtrack song, “Let It Go”!
Seriously. Let it go. There will be enough real issues in life, real trials, real need to talk, to wrestle through tough stuff, to pray for and with each other. We are all real sinners in a really fallen world. There will be plenty of real stuff that goes wrong. In the end, we all have enough real problems.
Don’t waste your precious time and the precious gift of marriage that God has given you on trivial fussing. Think how many single women are out there wishing there was a man in the house leaving the toilet seat up!
So the next time your husband, or mine, does that thing that drives us batty, let’s take a moment. Let’s keep our mouths shut. Let’s count to 10 if needed. During that 10 count, let’s think of a few good things about that man, about our lives, about how much better we’ve got it than that girl down the street. Save the big guns for the real fight. You know, the one where we are on the same team with our husbands fighting together against a common enemy.
Then, let us “let it go”. Let go of the false expectations and hold on to perspective. I believe this conscious decision to put the little things in their proper perspective can make our marriages so much more enjoyable, blessed, and impactful to the world around us.